A Different Look At Core Values

My mom came for a two week visit that was extended into nine months due to medical issues. As you may or may know my mom left Sat am – and we are adjusting to life without mom and making steps to re-ignite as a family.

My mom did rope me into one more thing before she left. In sharing this story I wonder, what would you do? What would your core values and sense of self compel you to do or not do?  I found it to be the lesser of two evils so to speak.

Here’s the Rogue Kitty Kasper Life Situation, and my story:

A friend of hers from her former senior’s building has a rogue cat as in it’s not allowed but has been living there for 6 years. Her friend Eva (names are changed to protect the not so innocent) is now quite disabled – and has limited movement.

She was beside herself that the building was to have its yearly inspection (yesterday) and her friends couldn’t come and sneak out the cat. So my services were offered – by my mom, because I have SOOO much time.

Anyway, as you may or may not know, I’m one of those people that cannot lie to save my life. I was very uncomfortable with this, but the thought of a home bound 70+ year old woman losing her cat (here’s a similar losing cat story from Eve Samples) and only source of daily TLC felt worse so I was compelled to help once I thought about her life.

The question I asked myself,  What is most important? … following rules which unfortunately create more isolation or creating a sense of wellness and joy in someone’s life that has so little and this means so much?

Yesterday I left my husband to get our 8 year old son to get ready for school and headed to the building for Code: Rogue Kitty Cat Kapers

As I was buzzed in, and noticed there was a lot of activity downstairs which was due to the pending inspection that day. I also didn’t want the manager to recognize me. Although he hadn’t seen me in a few years I was there almost daily for five years when my son was young and my mom helped us with care.

The manager, Sam (gotta keep changing those names) did look to engage me and gave me a look of I think I know you. I looked blankly back turned my head and fiddled with the elevator all the time thinking shit what if I/we get caught?

I went to the apartment.  The cat lives on an upper floor. I had been told that only one person in the hallway knew about Rogue Kitty, as well as other pertinent information such as she hates her carrier and would mew loudly which isn’t the best way to secretly get Rogue Kitty out of the building.

I helped hide the evidence in the apartment such as the food dish, water dish and scratch post. Noticing Eva’s lack of “seeing” kitty evidence I even vacuumed.

The carrier was placed in a black plastic bag so that it wouldn’t stand out as an animal carrier.

Eva told me to take the stairwell closest to her apartment because I could directly descend to the garage instead of going down the long hallway and chance her loud mewing being hear by another resident.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a senior building, but my experience has proved that everyone is quite noisy and take pride in knowing things. I was amazed that more people didn’t know about Rogue Kitty. In fact my mom only found out a week before she left because Eva was already feeling devastated at both the thought of being found out and losing her buddy and her previous accomplices couldn’t help.

Instructions were: I would place the cat in the backseat of the car and crack the windows before leaving. Although the inspection would end at 1:30 we decided that I wouldn’t come back until 5 when the building manager would no longer be in his office.

They said their goodbyes and I opened the door, looking both ways for no bodies and then I guiltily sped to the stair well – fumbled with the heavy exit door open while balancing the cat carrier. Please don’t let anyone see me I thought. “good girl” I said as I felt her shifting her weight – “everything is good” I said hoping she wouldn’t start to mew.

At the bottom of the next stairwell the stairs abruptly stopped and I was confused.

I went back up a flight, maybe I missed something. I descended again and found myself at the same place with no further stairwell. “Crap!” I knew I needed to go down one more set of stairs.

I wasn’t sure where I was in the building because the building is built on a slope so I wasn’t sure if “1″ meant first floor with the manager and others hanging out or if there was also a “g” for ground floor and this is the floor where the manager’s office was located. I opened the door and was still confused. I felt I couldn’t risk running the length of the floor and bumping into people and having the cat mew.

When my mom lived here I used to spend a good 20 to 30 minutes each time I came over chatting with whoever was hanging out in the front entry. Since I was feeling guilty I also felt like I didn’t want to be recognized, get into trouble (abetting a rouge cat and having its owner cry tears of sadness) or diminish my mom’s chances to re-apply which she would be doing in the near future.

I saw two doors. I opened the first one and it lead to a hallway so I closed it. I then ran over to the exit door and pushed it open. It lead to the back side of the building. I ran out hoping that I wouldn’t get locked into a courtyard,  At moment past my ability to shift gears I realized I should have left the door propped until I knew if I could actually get to the street, but it was too late and the door closed with me starring at it.

I shifted the carrier into my arms like a box and continued to whisper nervous sweet nothings to Rogue Kitty which were similar to the ones I’d whisper to my son when he was an infant and would begin to get uneasy in public. “Hey sweet pea, you’re doing a good job. We’re almost there.” Thankfully Rogue Kitty was either comfortable enough not to mew or totally distraught and couldn’t get it out, although I like to think the first choice was true.

I turned the next corner and found myself in the larger courtyard. I now recognized where I was from when mom lived in the building. I also knew that the windows to my left were from the great room next to the manager’s office. I continued to hold Rogue Kitty like a box and walked slowly but purposefully because I realized it would be kind of odd for a strange person to have come in the building and now be outside alone carrying something with no Senior in site. My heart was still racing and I was actually sweating. I realized I only potentially looked guilty of something because I felt very, very guilty.  Then I reminded myself of my true purpose.

The next corner put me in the front of the building and big glass doors. I didn’t want to be there very long as I knew someone could open them up to check in with my location and actions. So I put kitty on the ledge, jumped the wall and picked her up to continue my trail around the block to the garage.

I came around to the garage and as my luck would have it the door to the building was wide open and multiple people were there hosing down the ground and moving things. Unfortunately the drop off car was 20 feet from said location and I decided it was not a good idea to take Rogue Kitty to her car due to potentially being found out with a loud mew.

I turned and carried her to my car. Once we were safely inside I thought. OK, Kitty we now have the day to kill and I can’t let you out. I drove to the local drug store my original intention was to stop there on the way home before heading into my home office.

I was in the store long enough to have about 8 items in my hand basket when the phone rang. It was Eva and there was a problem. She forgot to ask me to move the litter box and she wasn’t able to do it herself. I’d need to immediately come back as the inspection was due to start in the next 10 minutes and she wasn’t sure when they would be at her place and was very nervous they’d learn about Rogue Kitty.

I of course thought it was more possible that they’d notice the smell of lingering and prevalent cigarette smoke (which also isn’t allowed), but at this point only Rogue Kitty was my worry. So I had made sure I sprayed a little extra glade before initially leaving.

I quickly paid for my items. As I drove back I thought do I go through the front door again or use her key for the garage and go up the stairwell? I parked around the corner of the block and jogged over to the garage. The outside door was closed which was a good sign, but the hallway door was open from the inner building and 8 feet in front of the door  which I was now standing with the key in hand was Sam the manager and a few other people. Crap again. I withdrew my key and arm and quickly walked away because only residents are suppose to have keys.

I called Eva again so that she could more quickly buzz me in at the front door. It still  took her a few minutes to negotiate her own movements to the buzzer. Although we had hung up, during my waiting time I kept my head down and stayed on the phone pretending to talk to Eva so that none of the multiple people including the manager would engage me. From past experiences with my mom I knew that they would often open the door and greet faces they recognized or ask questions confirming that you were legit.

The buzzer rang, I opened the door, kept my head down, as I continued to talk to my phantom caller I walked past numerous people and directly to the elevator and pushed the button. Although I seemed like an eternity it was less than a minute before it arrived.

Back at Eva’s I hid the litter box evidence and vacuumed the corner. I couldn’t get all the litter up so I rearranged some furniture to disguise the very visible evidence. I asked if I could have some of her recycling so that I had an excuse to check out my escape route. We said our goodbye’s again. I had to assure Eva that Rogue Kitty was just fine, picked up my recycling and left.

I went down the hallway and found the other stairwell which did lead to the garage, her car and where the garbage and recycling go. I then went back upstairs and retraced my steps back to the elevator so that all saw me leave through the front door. I don’t know why, but I figured it made my visit appear legit and my next appearance scheduled for later that day wouldn’t seem odd.

I drove home and thought after 6 years Eva definitely doesn’t know her building because “that” stairway did not lead to the garage and laughed at my earlier actions.  I’m so glad that all went well, although I wasn’t looking forward to my afternoon adventures.

One home I gently unwrapped Rogue Kitty’s bag, thanked her for a job well done and placed her in my son’s room closing the door so that our dog wouldn’t create a stink.

She had a quiet day and somehow flipped her cushion so that she was underneath it. I did try to give her some water but she wanted nothing to do with me. I also knew not to take her out as Eva told me she hated her carrier and hoped that Rogue Kitty would forgive her for putting her in a pillow case to get her in it.

At 5:20 pm with a safe entry through the garage using Eva’s key I re-entered the building and brought Rogue Kitty to her loving and waiting momma. I put everything back in place from litter box to scratching post. It was a happy reunion with Eva thanking me about 17 times in the 10 minutes I was there, and even though I know Rogue Kitty would be grateful if she fully understood our adventures she wanted nothing to do with me and promptly hid behind the couch.

What would you have done? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

PS.  I did have a conversation with Eva about applying to a building that accepts cats.  She wasn’t aware that other buildings accepted them.  She is concerned about “how” she would move, although I am not that excited about being the “one” I told her that when she gets accepted I’ll help her figure it out even if I have to rope a few neighbors into it.

Stop Giving Up, Discover How To Change

This could also be known as 5 Reasons You Don’t Change.  Ever wonder why you don’t change and keep repeating the same patterns again and again so that it feels like you’re feet, life and grandiose plans are stuck knee deep in mud?

Brace yourself because the answer is quite simple.  The number one reason you don’t change is that you GIVE UP.

Right now you may be saying, “What?! Really? Is that it! Not me!!! “

“Instead of telling me THAT I want you to give me an answer that is much more complex and meaningful because “I” don’t give up.”

To which I’ll respond, “Really?”

After working with hundreds of people I see the same patterns show up.  It goes something like this.

Step 1:  You’re Complaining A Lot

In fact at this stage it probably feels great to complain and rant.  It kind of blows off steam and momentarily you feel better.  You probably have a person or three that have become your own personal “rant buddies” over coffee or wine.

What’s amusing about this stage is most people don’t fully recognize they are being a victim and complaining about the same things again and again.

Step 2.  Consciousness Begins To Seep In

One day you’re complaining and something hits you like a big fat brick in the head.  “Thunk”  You are now aware that you’re not as happy or satisfied with the way things are in your own life, relationships and career.

Friends, family and co-workers say things like, “did you notice you’ve been complaining a lot?”  And you now have some recognition that you’re dissatisfied with X.  You can interchange the “X” with your own dissatisfaction and pain point.

This is a great stage.  In order to leave dissatisfaction behind and move forward it takes consciousness.  I find myself sharing with clients,complaining it a sign that you are not in alignment with what is most important to you, aka your core values.

Step 3.  Ch, Ch, Changes – Yes you’re definitely going to make changes!

With your new found consciousness you reconnect to your inner spark of yesteryear.  You decide that you are going to quit your job, change careers, and spend more time doing what you love.  You are going to make a difference and change your world, maybe even a small piece of the bigger world too.

You’re feeling energized and excited.  You tell everyone and it feels that your “happy place energy” is contagious. Woo hoo, everything is looking great.  You notice you have no problem getting out of bed in the morning and look forward to your own “what’s next.”

Step 4.  The Big Pain In The Ass Set Back

Just as you were stepping out in the world with your new found dreams, something happens that rains on your parade. You trip, you stumble and you fall.  You scrap both your knees so to speak.  Grrrrrrrr.

Step 5.  You Give Up (For A While or Forever)

You’re angry perhaps angry enough to say you’re pissed off.  Ouch!  You notice some of these thoughts taking over.

“This is just too much”, or
“I have no idea where to start”, o
“I’m so overwhelmed and not sure where to focus!”, or
“It’s so much easier for someone else to do this because they don’t have all the crap on their plate that I do.”

You’ve fallen victim to being a victim instead of leading your way.

You stop putting in that extra energy to keep looking for that new job, start a side business, excel in your current work, spend more time doing what you love.  The result is, you feel deflated and defeated.

When you wake up in the morning things aren’t looking so shiny so you hit the snooze for the second time.  For every step forward it feels like you are taking two or three backwards.   Damn it, it would help if it wasn’t so gray and raining because that’s not helping your mood (disclosure this writer lives in Seattle).

How Can You Break The Giving Up Pattern?

It takes gumption to keep taking action and not give up.

It takes connection to your core values.

It takes a personal story of your vision.

It takes the kind of story that can light your pants on fire.

Most importantly it takes continued consciousness, awareness and focus to stay connected to what is most important and where you’re choosing to go.

Your Core Values

If your life depended upon it can you name your core values? Good, many can name their primary values.

Can you tell me on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being “not really” and 10 being “you live them every day” and not “you want to live them every day”?  How many of these values score a 10?

What I’ve come to discover is that if you’re not a 10 you’re not fully committed.  Without commitment you won’t get what you want.  Now you better understand why you’ve given up in the past and experienced these Five Reasons You Don’t Change Stages again and again – you’re not a committed 10.

If you’re still reading I know I have your attention.  Your task if you really do want to break this being stuck habit and giving up pattern is to download the Goal Setting Core Values Workbook now and get some clarity of which three core values really make you tick.  It will help you take the first step toward creating awareness and connection to what’s most important and help you break the pattern.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, which stage most trips you up?  What sets your pants on fire?

Set The World On Fire Image Credit

What’s Your Courage Muscle and How Do You Build It?

These three uplifting quotes will help you understand the courage muscle and self confidence concept.

Courage is like a muscle strengthened by its use.  Ruth Gordon

Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway.  Dr. Robert Anthony

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.  Winston Churchill

Build More Self Confidence Like a Super Hero

The more people I coach and work with the more important I find it to learn how to build your own courage muscle so that you can create the kind of satisfying work and life you really want instead of living how you think others want you to live.

Every day in life we have the opportunity to live by choosing what we want. Unfortunately many individuals unconsciously accept and potentially regret what you are given because you don’t have conscious clarity.

Right now you may be wondering “where is she going with this?” Stick with me for a couple minutes and you’ll discover what it means to have the conscious clarity you need to build your courage muscle and self confidence.

Having a young son I quickly discovered how some kids live in the moment and expand like a blooming flower and how others are significantly more reserve waiting to be told or given permission to bloom like their counterparts.  I often wonder if this difference is innate or if it is developed through experience?

For example, my son participated in his school Talent’s Show.  Children were able to choose if they wanted to be on stage.  Those who said yes had between 60 seconds to 75 seconds depending upon their K-5 grade level.  They could also choose to stand up there solo or with classmates.  They had freedom to choose what they wanted to do as their talent.

Talents ranged from solo acoustic singing both in tune and not, to a young boy showing off his “frog jumps” across the stage, to skits, which is what my son and three friends co-created and performed.  These children stood on stage in front of 200 to 500 people depending upon the time of night they performed.  That takes courage I thought to both just get up there as well as to be afraid and perform which you could tell some definitely where.

Questions About Your Courage Muscle & Self Confidence

• Why do some of these kids feel the freedom to perform and others do not?
• Why do some of these kids feel the freedom to perform solo and others do not?
•  What kind of courage does it take to be on that stage?
• What type of courage does it take to perform even when you are afraid?
• What type of courage does it take to sing off key or miss multiple notes on the piano in front of hundreds of people? – some people would say they failed because it wasn’t perfect – is it really a failure?

Each child post performance would stand there on that stage – “naked as a jaybird” so to speak and “vulnerable as a newborn” – and I surmise it was in the crowds hands to choose to laugh, sit in silence, sing along and ultimately applaud each child.  What I saw with each applaud was a soul filled and a smile on each face as if it was their own courage muscle seal of self approval.

I also wondered, why although all had the same opportunity did some of the kids choose to sit in the audience watching their peers instead of performing?

I think that at some point you shift – if may be conscious or it may not, but you shift.  Maybe it’s because you haven’t used your courage muscle in a while and your courage muscle bank account is empty or even perhaps overdrawn.  At that point you are more concerned about the outside’s view of you – what others say instead of being more focused and influenced on what you think about and want for yourself you are focused on the outside looking in.  This is when you most need to exercise your courage muscle and consciously choose to take actions, exercise it, and fill up your reserves.

I know that my son is more introvert than extrovert, and it takes him flexing his courage muscle to say yes.  Hence he performed with a small crowd of three friends.  Yet, he’s still got enough internal confidence and courage to want to stand on that stage and perform and stand there in the moments of post performance silently waiting for the outside approval of others.   Then it happens, the applause.

I saw his face and the other performers light up as they took in this public acknowledgement. The conscious choice to perform itself is really what builds his courage muscle just like it does for each child on stage.  The applause is the icing on the cake and I’m sure tastes delicious.

I dare you to take one action each day, whether big or small that gives you the opportunity to build your own courage muscle and self confidence.

What are you willing to do that perhaps you’re a bit afraid to do – but because you read this will do it anyway?

Joy Comes From Within Especially When You Do What You Love Even Playing In The Snow

Uplifting quotes, especially ones that remind you that “you are perfect just the way you are” -  are my favorite.  These type of quotes provide just enough inspiration and motivation especially when your day isn’t as perfect as you would like it to be.

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”

My girlfriend from Chicago sent this quote to me – of course it came with the request to send it to 8 individuals – some one’s way of creating some viral inspiration that feeds on our desire to feel both love and fear of superstition.   I choose love and sharing in a way that supports a bigger self.

I hope you enjoy this quote and do remember every thing you want and really need is really inside you already because you are perfect just the way you are.

What’s one action you could take today that would bring a sense of joy to your life?  I dare you, take it and reap the uplifting benefits.

PS. Tracy this one is for you

How do you stop the feeling of New Year’s and even general overwhelm when your inbox is full of messages that tout perfect goal setting ideals and resolutions you aren’t willing to write down because some are the same as last year and still not quite accomplished or you just don’t have that loving feeling for fully rewriting your life and perhaps actually exercising five times per week.

What if you’re a business and life coach and you’re suppose to be helping others not feel that way but you are currently feeling that way yourself? Oh Crap!

Instead of allowing feelings of overwhelm, “why bother” and “non publicly admitted failure” maybe it’s time for a personal intervention.

What’s a Personal Intervention?

I think of it like “What Not To Wear” but for your daily life so that you can give your self the necessary kick in the butt and get out of overwhelm and the often resulting apathy and paralysis. In fact I’m finding I could use one myself – and instead of pretending it doesn’t exist I’m finally ready and willing to expose myself (yikes) and jump in (double yikes).

Signs you need a personal intervention and are in overwhelm.

• Your head feels like there’s an extra large funnel with a huge amount of ideas, responsibilities, commitments, to do items, etc. that are all fighting to come out the tiny hole in the bottom and it’s giving you one big ass headache
• You complain
• You procrastinate
• You are talking about action but taking little action that is meaningful
• You find your self being short tempered with those you love the most
• Your to do list gets bigger instead of smaller
• Your life circumstances seem out of your control aka another curve ball just got thrown your way and in invite to go have a large glass of wine sounds more appealing than what is really needed at the moment
• Your not even sure where to really start and create some traction

Okay, I could go on and you get the point.

For me it looks like – I’m self employed- clients, projects and income all started shifting and colliding and needed time and attention, at the same time my mother came to visit and was diagnosed with breast cancer which meant she was temporarily moving in with us for five months. Her living arrangement moved our young son out of his room and into dad’s office – oh he works from home too.

Having been through breast cancer myself I knew the time and attention it would take which meant work would get pushed back so that we could keep focus on mom and our family. Anyone living with their elderly parent aka mom or dad knows it has it’s challenges and  newly discovered memorable points.

Just when we thought we were closing that chapter and moving back into a semblance of life as we knew it we discovered at Christmas that mom needs a full knee replacement before being able to move back across the country and into her home.  This will extend her stay another five months, until May of this new year.  So that two week visit just became 10 months and our lovely quaint aka small bungalow suddenly feels majorly inadequate.

It was at this point I fell over the edge into the dark abyss of overwhelm and I can hear my young son telling me how many quarters I owe him for muttering “swear” words like “oh crap!” on a more regular basis.

It feels as if each of the bullet points above are in a bold font and end in exclamation points in my life.

It’s with this knowledge that I know I’m my own perfect client and need a personal intervention. Interestingly this post was suppose to be different and entirely self help for other, but I’m trusting my feeling that it’s perfect not to be writing only about new year resolutions and overwhelm and to go with it.

Personal Intervention Actions

Now I feel like I’m channeling myself on one of the hundreds of calls I’ve had with clients – first I simply listen, then I help them shift so that they can focus, break it down, take action. But before we would even go there it’s important to understand current actions and lack of actions.

Complaining is the #1 way you know you are not in conflict with and not in alignment with your core values.

Procrastination is a way you can tell you are overwhelmed, feel a lack of control and don’t have clarity

Lack of action often happens because you don’t have a vision of what you are really wanting, hence it hard to get started and into action. When you’re not moving it’s sometimes not even important to have it all mapped out, rather to take one step, almost any step in the desired direction.

If these three things are showing up you need

1. Focus (on what’s most important, vision)

2. Break It down (smart goal setting)

3. Take Action – celebrate it all

4. Rinse and Repeat

 Following My Own Advice and Goal Setting Formula

Writing is a form of meditation for myself which helps me gain clarity.  You probably have a tool you consciously use to help you get out of overwhelm and / or unstuck.

In following my own advice – I’m going to start with some more writing and  follow my 4 steps above  – whether it’s in public on this blog (even though I may be the only reader :0) or not I haven’t decided.

Step 1: Focus – I haven’t completed the Values Clarification Worksheet in the past year so I’m going to start there – and hope you take the opportunity to download this goal setting worksheet yourself.

Here’s my new year’s wish for us – we get out of overwhelm if we are there – and we stop it if it tries to creep in and get focused on what’s most important.  I’d love to hear what you’ve tried.

Your Invited…to grab a friend, get inspired and take action!

Here’s the scoop….5 lucky friends and colleagues have been gifted tickets to attend the Money Wise Women Conference courtesy of the amazing founder Marcia Brixey.

Will you ask a friend to partner with you and join me and say yes to put yourself first to both be inspired and discover a few gold nuggets that could make significant difference to your financial life on Saturday, January 14th?

All it takes if for you to say yes I want to make a difference to myself in 2012 is to email me directly at michele (@ ) advanced-approach.com. Please write:  Money Wise Women in the subject line.   I’m going to choose the 5 lucky names on January 1st.

But you don’t have to wait until January 1st if you want to make a difference to yourself and perhaps another friend or family member this holiday season and register today.

The conference content is priceless and tickets are reasonable because Marcia wants you to have a safe place to get inspired and make a difference to your financial wellness.

Imagine joining other women and a few adventuress men who are just like you in a safe place to learn about money.  If you’re still not sure want some extra support, grab a friend or perhaps your own sister or daughter -  click here to register now.  You’ll be glad you did.

Keynote Speakers Include:

It’s Your Life:  Make Friends with Money – Marcia Brixey, author of The Money Therapist:  A Women’s Guide to Creating a Healthy Financial Life

Rainy Days and Money:  Essential Secrets to Weather Any Financial Storm – Debbie Whitlock, Radio Host Femme Finance The Power of Money & Women

Goal Setting for Financial Success & Prosperity – Michele Corey (THAT’S ME!) Advanced Approach

Plus 8 amazing breakout speakers – you’ll be able to choose which sessions you want to attend.

I do hope join me at the Money Wise Women Conference on Saturday, January 14th, 2012.

Regards, Michele

PS. Want to Pay it Forward?  Iif your not able to make it to the conference but would like to sponsor a local woman, buy a tickt and note in the field – “I’m gifting a ticket”

Looking for some morning inspiration to start off your day?

Discover Who Really Said This Uplifting Quote

I always enjoy an uplifting quote. A few days ago I met with a client and he shared some of his current favorites from Ralph Waldo Emerson which reminded me of this long standing inspirational quote that is attributed to three different people: Ralph Waldo Emerson, David Henry Thoreau and Henry Stanley Haskins.

Although we most often attribute the first saying listed below to Emerson, it is Haskins who wrote the original and now often quoted and uplifting words “what lies behind us…”, with the more famous Thoreau and Emerson adding their own versions.

3 Versions Of This Uplifting Quote

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Henry Stanley Haskins

What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen. attributed to Henry David Thoreau

“What lies behind us and what lies in front of us pales in comparison to what lies within us.” attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson

I find it interesting that this well known saying has been misquoted and attributed to different people so many times that we now most often make the assumption it is by Emerson.

I originally found these inspirational words as I was beginning my own journey from floating through corporate life in sales to becoming conscious to the fact that I was really dissatisfied deep inside with my current work and life balance status and wanted more.  I just wasn’t sure what that really meant at that time but I knew that if would come from deep within myself.

I had this quote printed on 5,000 postcards (picture above) – I mean what was I really thinking when I ordered 5,000 of them?  I still have plenty on hand.

Here’s my offer – If you’d like one of the postcards with this uplifting quote sent to you so you can hang it on your refrigerator or in your office, comment below and I’ll reply to you individually.

Over the past couple months I’ve been noticing a lack of authentic living theme that directly relates to an insightful  quote “Are you willing to disappoint another in order to be true to yourself“   from the poem The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dream which I was introduced to more than a decade ago during an ICF coaching conference.

This reoccurring theme often surfaces during a first time session where we explore your core values, current vision, perceived and real obstacles, personal cost, and available resources to create momentum so that you can begin moving the mountain a few pebbles at a time.

I wish I had the perfect answer to why are so many of us willing to take action that better supports others at the expense of not fully supporting your personal self, but I don’t.  Although it reminds me of the overused analogy:  when the plane is going down, put on your oxygen mask first, then help others.

Think about it this way, if you had a bagel business would you give away all of your product because you’re worried that potential clients won’t think your nice?  No, you may share by offering samples but you wouldn’t give it all away.

Would you give all of your money away to the person on the corner with the sign or a worthy cause?  No, you would share in your wealth.

Would you take a job and make a career move, but not accept pay that provides you a very liveable wage because you didn’t want to offend them because they would think you are too greedy?

No, no and no.

Taking action that support your core values and believes is not about being selfish rather, when we come from a place of strength and live authentically we have so much more to offer the world. Truth be told, do you really think others are gaining as much as you are losing when you put your values and what’s most important to you on the back burner so that others will not be disappointed in your actions?

I’ve often used this analogy – when you are not being your authentic self, it’s like you are wearing a mask so that X (you can fill in your blank, mostly it’s about being accepted, liked, acknowledged so that you can feel worthy) happens. While you’re wearing that mask you’ll notice that some people like you, some people don’t, and some people don’t care but there’s a personal price to pay to carry the weight of this mask.

Once you take of this mask and reveal your true and authentic self you’ll notice, some people like you, some people don’t, and some people don’t care but you don’t have to pay such a heavy price, because you’re not lugging this big heavy mask around.

I invite you to read The Innvitation and take a moment to reflect on one action you could take today that fully and authentically expresses you. If you’re willing, comment about it below.

Imagine what your like could be like if you did this every day.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

©Oriah Mountain Dreamer From “The Invitation”

Image by Sean MacEntee via Flickr

A Linked in conversation from the business coaches for entrepreneurs grabbed my attention this morning. There were 7 comments on an older question that will help you not fail or is it succeed beyond your imagination?

The question was simple, “what’s the single most important skill for business owners (to succeed)?” Now we could easily change “for business owners” to “new managers” – “leaders” – “in your career” -or a vast number of titles because this is great career advice  to build your career . Most of the core choices stay the same which is what I found intriguing.

Of course everyone had an opinion regarding the secrets to success and that’s what made it interesting to scroll through the responses, but there was only one response I saw, that garnered no additional feedback and was what I deemed the best answer.

Perhaps it was because it was written in a story format and you actually add to read the response which many who just want to scan and scroll found too time consuming. Thankfully the responder even spelled it out but this response didn’t get any takes to nod in agreement or acknowledge it’s relevancy.

At this point the additional responses to the question became a shout out where each person said what they had to say with most never bothering to read other responses and a few being sure to add links back to their own very important information. I did appreciate those that both recapped or added to responses.

After coaching hundreds of people over the past decade the skill that I notice gets the most over looked is literally right under our nose – you. Which means the single most important skill I see that create more failure when you don’t have clarity or actions in alignment and more success when you do is “know yourself.”

We’re so busy focusing on all the other stuff on the checklist like: vision, passion, leadership, focus, flexibility, self discipline, being decisive, action, resilience, strategy, systems, a business model, financial understanding, rapport with network, no alternatives (i.e. other paid income), and simplicity which are clearly spelled out as the traits which will bring on your success that we forget to stop and pay attention to your own core and how it affects our actions.

I believe it’s your own core which includes your values that stands as the foundation and stake in the ground for other success traits to springboard.

How do values help you create a foundation for career success? Well that’s an additional blog post that I’ll save for another time. In the meantime I’d be interested in hearing what you think so far.

Reprinted from one of my success or failure posts on Forbes Women

How many times have your heard just “do the right thing” and all will be well.  I recently had the opportunity to walk my talk when it comes to doing what’s right and unbeknown to me others were watching.

My next door neighbor went on a normal training bike ride just over two months ago- that day changed his life and everyone he knows for ever.  While going over the Montlake Bridge in Seattle, he hit a bump in the concrete flipped his bike and is now an incomplete paraplegic.

I have to admit that I’ve never known anyone that lives life from a wheel chair – any one I know that’s been injured was in a temporary and inconvenienced state with crutches, cane, or illness.

Emails on our block were flying each person wanting to know what the other person had found out.  I was then asked to check in with his wife.  My opportunity came  at 10 pm four days after the accident when my husband spotted her walking in the door.  I took a deep breath and sprinted over to the house.

I was nervous.  I immediately found myself thinking – what in the world am I going to say.  Having been a part of a chronic and life changing illness myself a few years back I knew that each person reacts in their own way and allowing them space and kindness is most important.  I knocked and when the door was opened smiled, and looked her in the eyes.

The conversation that ensued created both an out of body experience and a solid grounding experience – kind of hard to explain, but what I knew in that exact moment was that even though I knew it would be absolutely inconvenient and I didn’t know how to make it happen, I knew without a doubt  I would do the right thing by unconditionally supporting  them to bring Lan home.

That night I said a prayer and wrote an email to our community telling them both what they can do now and what is needed – because it takes a village.  They needed a remodel  to happen and be complete before he came home.  The catch was that there was very little to no money to pay for it.

To help give home we needed to figure out how to bring Lan home.  First he needed to be able to get in to the house (which was up steps), his bedroom which was upstairs would need to be moved, doors widened, and bathroom made ADA accessible.  I had no idea how this would happen – rather I offered this as the solution of what needed to be done in order for him to come home.

Something amazing happened…project bring Lan Home developed heart and community.  In seven weeks we – a newly formed community became a village and Lan came home when his electric wheel chair went up the ramp which still had forms attached to the newly poured concrete.

For seven weeks I mostly ignored my own business and became the heart of this project because it was the right thing to do.  During the week we emailed, called, and organized.  Each weekend day for seven weekends we had between 18 to 35 people per day showing up and ready to work. We had our own Extreme Makeover Bring Lan Home Edition.

Amazing local businesses listened to our story and donated supplies and gave significant discounts.  The city designated the handicap spot within a few weeks – another miracle. People brought food so that others could keep working.  When it came down to the last week people took time off from their regular jobs to show up.   People that didn’t even know Lan and Laura said yes, we want to help – and they did – in time, talent and financially.  The family is taking donations to help cover costs – you can donate to Lan here.

By giving we all received the amazing gift that comes from doing the right thing and saying yes. The gift of being part of something much bigger than yourself.

When you do the right thing – synchronicity shows up.

On my last weekend of the project I received a call from a father at my son’s school; he had something for me.  When he showed up on my porch he told me that my name had come up  in the vetting process for community philanthropy and he didn’t recognize my last name.  At night he was researching the candidates on Google and thought OMG it’s Michele – Eli’s mom.

I was completely surprised. I simply kept my head down and took care of business when it came to the project.

There were so many details, hundreds of emails, hours of coordinating, and then there were the online project management spreadsheets I created to keep us on task and the email marketing campaign to keep everyone informed. I was grateful I had an email marketing program so emails could go out, knew to have them set up paypal to get donations, and love excel and spreadsheets which were used for project management.  All of these business tools became personal tools.

I smiled inside as Greg handed me a silver card that is part of Canlis Restaurant Dinner for Life – “Thank you for making a generous difference in our community.”  That’s when I fully took in all that has magically been happening for Lan.   Yes his accident and becoming an incomplete quadriplegic is unimaginable – yet the gift so many received and are still receiving is being able to say yes to do the right thing and being a part of something so much bigger than themselves.