This could also be known as 5 Reasons You Don’t Change. Ever wonder why you don’t change and keep repeating the same patterns again and again so that it feels like you’re feet, life and grandiose plans are stuck knee deep in mud?
Brace yourself because the answer is quite simple. The number one reason you don’t change is that you GIVE UP.
Right now you may be saying, “What?! Really? Is that it! Not me!!! “
“Instead of telling me THAT I want you to give me an answer that is much more complex and meaningful because “I” don’t give up.”
To which I’ll respond, “Really?”
After working with hundreds of people I see the same patterns show up. It goes something like this.
Step 1: You’re Complaining A Lot
In fact at this stage it probably feels great to complain and rant. It kind of blows off steam and momentarily you feel better. You probably have a person or three that have become your own personal “rant buddies” over coffee or wine.
What’s amusing about this stage is most people don’t fully recognize they are being a victim and complaining about the same things again and again.
Step 2. Consciousness Begins To Seep In
One day you’re complaining and something hits you like a big fat brick in the head. “Thunk” You are now aware that you’re not as happy or satisfied with the way things are in your own life, relationships and career.
Friends, family and co-workers say things like, “did you notice you’ve been complaining a lot?” And you now have some recognition that you’re dissatisfied with X. You can interchange the “X” with your own dissatisfaction and pain point.
This is a great stage. In order to leave dissatisfaction behind and move forward it takes consciousness. I find myself sharing with clients,complaining it a sign that you are not in alignment with what is most important to you, aka your core values.
Step 3. Ch, Ch, Changes – Yes you’re definitely going to make changes!
With your new found consciousness you reconnect to your inner spark of yesteryear. You decide that you are going to quit your job, change careers, and spend more time doing what you love. You are going to make a difference and change your world, maybe even a small piece of the bigger world too.
You’re feeling energized and excited. You tell everyone and it feels that your “happy place energy” is contagious. Woo hoo, everything is looking great. You notice you have no problem getting out of bed in the morning and look forward to your own “what’s next.”
Step 4. The Big Pain In The Ass Set Back
Just as you were stepping out in the world with your new found dreams, something happens that rains on your parade. You trip, you stumble and you fall. You scrap both your knees so to speak. Grrrrrrrr.
Step 5. You Give Up (For A While or Forever)
You’re angry perhaps angry enough to say you’re pissed off. Ouch! You notice some of these thoughts taking over.
“This is just too much”, or
“I have no idea where to start”, o
“I’m so overwhelmed and not sure where to focus!”, or
“It’s so much easier for someone else to do this because they don’t have all the crap on their plate that I do.”
You’ve fallen victim to being a victim instead of leading your way.
You stop putting in that extra energy to keep looking for that new job, start a side business, excel in your current work, spend more time doing what you love. The result is, you feel deflated and defeated.
When you wake up in the morning things aren’t looking so shiny so you hit the snooze for the second time. For every step forward it feels like you are taking two or three backwards. Damn it, it would help if it wasn’t so gray and raining because that’s not helping your mood (disclosure this writer lives in Seattle).
How Can You Break The Giving Up Pattern?
It takes gumption to keep taking action and not give up.
It takes connection to your core values.
It takes a personal story of your vision.
It takes the kind of story that can light your pants on fire.
Most importantly it takes continued consciousness, awareness and focus to stay connected to what is most important and where you’re choosing to go.
Your Core Values
If your life depended upon it can you name your core values? Good, many can name their primary values.
Can you tell me on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being “not really” and 10 being “you live them every day” and not “you want to live them every day”? How many of these values score a 10?
What I’ve come to discover is that if you’re not a 10 you’re not fully committed. Without commitment you won’t get what you want. Now you better understand why you’ve given up in the past and experienced these Five Reasons You Don’t Change Stages again and again – you’re not a committed 10.
If you’re still reading I know I have your attention. Your task if you really do want to break this being stuck habit and giving up pattern is to download the Goal Setting Core Values Workbook now and get some clarity of which three core values really make you tick. It will help you take the first step toward creating awareness and connection to what’s most important and help you break the pattern.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, which stage most trips you up? What sets your pants on fire?