Think about your life, are you being complacent or being really alive? If you actually choose, what would it be – complacency or truly alive?
Obviously it seems like a no brainer – most if not all of us would choose to be really alive. The question is why does so much of the population actually live the later – a passive role of letting life happen? Or is it simply that we can’t help living by Paretto’s 80 / 20 principle which means that 80% of us are passive, complacent and living your life at the expense of your dreams.
I found myself emotionally touched and it reminded me of why I choose the url of Recharge Your Spark. This morning I contributed on Kickstart so that they can finish this independent film and documentary.
Here are some of the inspiring thoughts and ideas that come from the documentary’s trailer:
Are you living your life at the expense of your dreams?
Is your life one of quiet desperation?
This (complacent, passive, at the expense of your bigger dreams) is not the way you have to live, there is something better out there.
Make your own choices. Live your own dreams.
I don’t know what is around the corner, and I’m so fulfilled knot knowing.
Life is meant to be lived
Many are living the passive role of letting life happen
What makes you come alive?
Be challenged in your thinking
Is the life you’re living the price you’d pay for it?
If it’s worth doing, you’ll never have enough information or know the clear path – if you can already see the path you are simply recreating what you already know.
The goal of the documentary I’m Fine. Thanks:
We believe that the stories we captured deserve to be told – and that by sharing them we can inspire thousands and thousands of people to take action and change their lives for the better.
Our goal is to ignite a movement of people who are tired of settling for mediocrity. We want to eliminate “getting by,” “doing fine,” “could be worse,” and “can’t complain” from the vocabulary of our modern culture.
We want to rally together a like-minded group of people who are fed up with living life through someone else’s script – and ready to live life on their OWN terms.
Together, with your help, we believe we can challenge people to dig back up their childhood dreams… to tap back into their deepest passions… and to take action to make those values more of a priority in their life moving forward.
If any of these inspiring thoughts touched even a little bit of who you are – go on over to Kickstart and help make the difference to this film becoming a reality.
Comment to let me know which inspiring thought touched, moved or inspired you the most.
This morning after scanning my client email folders I gave myself 30 minutes to peruse and perhaps unconsciously procrastinate through unopened email including my “smart goal setting” Google Alerts. Fifty minutes later I was still perusing email and surfing the internet a.k.a really procrastinating under the guise of finding juicy and relative content about goal setting and not taking actions on my daily to do list which will bring the success I want.
What this means is that like many of my clients I struggle with falling into habitual patterns that don’t support the bigger goals and vision you have for yourself. It takes daily connection and action to create the type of awareness that will have you feeling productive and satisfied.
What I’ve noticed for my self is that I’ve set up good systems such as every week or so I scan through my Google alerts looking for articles, ideas, trends and connections on the topic of goal setting that appear meaningful and will help you have better result and the success you desire.
But I’ve only held up one side of my system and I’ve become somewhat of a content squirrel getting ready for winter in that I’ve been hoarding my nuts so to speak because I have more than enough to share from current client experiences and from the flowing content that neatly arrives in my email inbox and folders.
A few things have gotten in the way of sharing my goal setting nuts.
I lost focus of the end result and instead created an unconscious pattern of searching for more data than I can really use. It felt satisfying in its own way since I could tangibly see I was doing something, but the satisfaction was more often than not short lived because I knew I wasn’t on track. A simple tool I share with clients and will re-institute is to use a timer that goes off after a specific period of time so that you don’t get sucked in to the task at hand and instead are focused on the bigger picture of the day.
My mother, some of you are nodding and smiling a sly smile – what your mother?!
Procrastination
Lack of a Real Deadline
For the past year I became a caretaker in my “spare time” which became almost full time except for the fact that I have a family, clients and work to do. Care taking and idea storing started in April of last year when I choose to support my neighbor who was in a biking accident. I was invigorated from the care taking project and ready to jump back into my own needs once all had settled, but a month later not expecting the unexpected, my mother’s two week visit to our home turned into nine months. This time was filled with multiple medical adventures from breast cancer diagnosis and treatment, cardiac issues and a full knee replacement. She just went back to NY state.
During this time I started not paying attention to the bigger picture and was stuck in a pattern I call JIT or just in time. Just in time is where you focus on this is right in front of you which may or may not be beneficial when you look at your bigger picture strategy.
One of my guilty pleasures is research, I I began hoarding my nuts and ideas into folders and files waiting for more time to be available. But we all know that when you wait for things to happen, they just don’t happen because it takes a vision, strategy, emotional connection to the idea, and a plan of action that you actually act upon. Yes I said it – you need to act upon it.
I felt as if I was more than full and could neither eat or store many more nuts. In fact some of my actions and lack of actions were beginning to look a little like a nut to others and I lost potential business because of it.
A friend in IT didn’t get the nut analogy – so I abandoned it for one of bandwidth. I told her that my bandwidth was at capacity in my life and work. When this happens to any of us it means that we no longer have the capacity or ability to add one more thing. We must take something away to create the space and capacity to move forward.
Full capacity meant many of my ideas, creativity and writing felt stuck and forced instead of fun and flowing. Instead I talked more about doing it than actually doing it which is a true sign of both full capacity and procrastination. Clients and commitments aka “real deadlines” in my mind got first priority.
When other time became available for my own business focus I often found myself in a zone of procrastination where the actions I took were not the most effective use of time. I found myself starting projects that I didn’t have the time or energy to complete. I didn’t recognize the power of “no” – this would have been a perfect time to say no, it’s night the right time. Sometimes it’s perfect to just say NO which will bring you more success than if you constantly say yes but don’t take action that does what you say you will do.
It was as if I couldn’t just take one nut from my store and share it because I wanted to share all of this great information that I know would make a difference. So I’d load up my opportunity funnel with too many nuts at once and sit on them so to speak. They’d get stuck in the funnel (see the lack of goal setting humor picture above which is created by yours truly) and then the opportunity would be lost.
As you know when you have a to do list, you can’t do it all at the same time. You are most effective and productive when you look at your list, look at your day, and create a daily plan. Then what’s most important is to actually do your plan.
Creating a daily plan helps create a “real deadline” when there are items on it that don’t include other people that will call or expect a response.
Yesterday as I member of the Robert Middleton’s Marketing Club (my aff link) I also attended the free teleseminar on Killer Article writing which served as a great inspiration to get back into my writing groove on a consistent basis. I share this information because Robert’s down to earth information and ideas have been so helpful for me. His blog, stories, tools and systems help one really think about their own big picture strategy and action plan.
Anyway, back to the points at hand. It’s easy to get distracted and not stay true to your vision, strategy and goals because life if filled with constant change and growth.
Here are some ideas to help you get back on track, and let go of hoarding your own nuts.
Use tools (whether it’s a timer, goal setting software, a system, etc) to stay aware are a must.
Create a “real deadline” for yourself and putting it on your calendar – such as an accountability partner call you will more often than not move into action because knowing someone will ask you about your results often creates reason enough.
Move into action
At the end of the day spend 60 seconds reviewing what you accomplished and reward yourself – end with the personal acknowledgment “woo hoo job well done!”
I’d love to hear what you do to help yourself either stay or get back on track.
PS – you can scan this article by reading the bold text and take away many of the main points in about 60 seconds.
My mom came for a two week visit that was extended into nine months due to medical issues. As you may or may know my mom left Sat am – and we are adjusting to life without mom and making steps to re-ignite as a family.
My mom did rope me into one more thing before she left. In sharing this story I wonder, what would you do? What would your core values and sense of self compel you to do or not do? I found it to be the lesser of two evils so to speak.
Here’s the Rogue Kitty Kasper Life Situation, and my story:
A friend of hers from her former senior’s building has a rogue cat as in it’s not allowed but has been living there for 6 years. Her friend Eva (names are changed to protect the not so innocent) is now quite disabled – and has limited movement.
She was beside herself that the building was to have its yearly inspection (yesterday) and her friends couldn’t come and sneak out the cat. So my services were offered – by my mom, because I have SOOO much time.
Anyway, as you may or may not know, I’m one of those people that cannot lie to save my life. I was very uncomfortable with this, but the thought of a home bound 70+ year old woman losing her cat (here’s a similar losing cat story from Eve Samples) and only source of daily TLC felt worse so I was compelled to help once I thought about her life.
The question I asked myself, What is most important? … following rules which unfortunately create more isolation or creating a sense of wellness and joy in someone’s life that has so little and this means so much?
Yesterday I left my husband to get our 8 year old son to get ready for school and headed to the building for Code: Rogue Kitty Cat Kapers
As I was buzzed in, and noticed there was a lot of activity downstairs which was due to the pending inspection that day. I also didn’t want the manager to recognize me. Although he hadn’t seen me in a few years I was there almost daily for five years when my son was young and my mom helped us with care.
The manager, Sam (gotta keep changing those names) did look to engage me and gave me a look of I think I know you. I looked blankly back turned my head and fiddled with the elevator all the time thinking shit what if I/we get caught?
I went to the apartment. The cat lives on an upper floor. I had been told that only one person in the hallway knew about Rogue Kitty, as well as other pertinent information such as she hates her carrier and would mew loudly which isn’t the best way to secretly get Rogue Kitty out of the building.
I helped hide the evidence in the apartment such as the food dish, water dish and scratch post. Noticing Eva’s lack of “seeing” kitty evidence I even vacuumed.
The carrier was placed in a black plastic bag so that it wouldn’t stand out as an animal carrier.
Eva told me to take the stairwell closest to her apartment because I could directly descend to the garage instead of going down the long hallway and chance her loud mewing being hear by another resident.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a senior building, but my experience has proved that everyone is quite noisy and take pride in knowing things. I was amazed that more people didn’t know about Rogue Kitty. In fact my mom only found out a week before she left because Eva was already feeling devastated at both the thought of being found out and losing her buddy and her previous accomplices couldn’t help.
Instructions were: I would place the cat in the backseat of the car and crack the windows before leaving. Although the inspection would end at 1:30 we decided that I wouldn’t come back until 5 when the building manager would no longer be in his office.
They said their goodbyes and I opened the door, looking both ways for no bodies and then I guiltily sped to the stair well – fumbled with the heavy exit door open while balancing the cat carrier. Please don’t let anyone see me I thought. “good girl” I said as I felt her shifting her weight – “everything is good” I said hoping she wouldn’t start to mew.
At the bottom of the next stairwell the stairs abruptly stopped and I was confused.
I went back up a flight, maybe I missed something. I descended again and found myself at the same place with no further stairwell. “Crap!” I knew I needed to go down one more set of stairs.
I wasn’t sure where I was in the building because the building is built on a slope so I wasn’t sure if “1″ meant first floor with the manager and others hanging out or if there was also a “g” for ground floor and this is the floor where the manager’s office was located. I opened the door and was still confused. I felt I couldn’t risk running the length of the floor and bumping into people and having the cat mew.
When my mom lived here I used to spend a good 20 to 30 minutes each time I came over chatting with whoever was hanging out in the front entry. Since I was feeling guilty I also felt like I didn’t want to be recognized, get into trouble (abetting a rouge cat and having its owner cry tears of sadness) or diminish my mom’s chances to re-apply which she would be doing in the near future.
I saw two doors. I opened the first one and it lead to a hallway so I closed it. I then ran over to the exit door and pushed it open. It lead to the back side of the building. I ran out hoping that I wouldn’t get locked into a courtyard, At moment past my ability to shift gears I realized I should have left the door propped until I knew if I could actually get to the street, but it was too late and the door closed with me starring at it.
I shifted the carrier into my arms like a box and continued to whisper nervous sweet nothings to Rogue Kitty which were similar to the ones I’d whisper to my son when he was an infant and would begin to get uneasy in public. “Hey sweet pea, you’re doing a good job. We’re almost there.” Thankfully Rogue Kitty was either comfortable enough not to mew or totally distraught and couldn’t get it out, although I like to think the first choice was true.
I turned the next corner and found myself in the larger courtyard. I now recognized where I was from when mom lived in the building. I also knew that the windows to my left were from the great room next to the manager’s office. I continued to hold Rogue Kitty like a box and walked slowly but purposefully because I realized it would be kind of odd for a strange person to have come in the building and now be outside alone carrying something with no Senior in site. My heart was still racing and I was actually sweating. I realized I only potentially looked guilty of something because I felt very, very guilty. Then I reminded myself of my true purpose.
The next corner put me in the front of the building and big glass doors. I didn’t want to be there very long as I knew someone could open them up to check in with my location and actions. So I put kitty on the ledge, jumped the wall and picked her up to continue my trail around the block to the garage.
I came around to the garage and as my luck would have it the door to the building was wide open and multiple people were there hosing down the ground and moving things. Unfortunately the drop off car was 20 feet from said location and I decided it was not a good idea to take Rogue Kitty to her car due to potentially being found out with a loud mew.
I turned and carried her to my car. Once we were safely inside I thought. OK, Kitty we now have the day to kill and I can’t let you out. I drove to the local drug store my original intention was to stop there on the way home before heading into my home office.
I was in the store long enough to have about 8 items in my hand basket when the phone rang. It was Eva and there was a problem. She forgot to ask me to move the litter box and she wasn’t able to do it herself. I’d need to immediately come back as the inspection was due to start in the next 10 minutes and she wasn’t sure when they would be at her place and was very nervous they’d learn about Rogue Kitty.
I of course thought it was more possible that they’d notice the smell of lingering and prevalent cigarette smoke (which also isn’t allowed), but at this point only Rogue Kitty was my worry. So I had made sure I sprayed a little extra glade before initially leaving.
I quickly paid for my items. As I drove back I thought do I go through the front door again or use her key for the garage and go up the stairwell? I parked around the corner of the block and jogged over to the garage. The outside door was closed which was a good sign, but the hallway door was open from the inner building and 8 feet in front of the door which I was now standing with the key in hand was Sam the manager and a few other people. Crap again. I withdrew my key and arm and quickly walked away because only residents are suppose to have keys.
I called Eva again so that she could more quickly buzz me in at the front door. It still took her a few minutes to negotiate her own movements to the buzzer. Although we had hung up, during my waiting time I kept my head down and stayed on the phone pretending to talk to Eva so that none of the multiple people including the manager would engage me. From past experiences with my mom I knew that they would often open the door and greet faces they recognized or ask questions confirming that you were legit.
The buzzer rang, I opened the door, kept my head down, as I continued to talk to my phantom caller I walked past numerous people and directly to the elevator and pushed the button. Although I seemed like an eternity it was less than a minute before it arrived.
Back at Eva’s I hid the litter box evidence and vacuumed the corner. I couldn’t get all the litter up so I rearranged some furniture to disguise the very visible evidence. I asked if I could have some of her recycling so that I had an excuse to check out my escape route. We said our goodbye’s again. I had to assure Eva that Rogue Kitty was just fine, picked up my recycling and left.
I went down the hallway and found the other stairwell which did lead to the garage, her car and where the garbage and recycling go. I then went back upstairs and retraced my steps back to the elevator so that all saw me leave through the front door. I don’t know why, but I figured it made my visit appear legit and my next appearance scheduled for later that day wouldn’t seem odd.
I drove home and thought after 6 years Eva definitely doesn’t know her building because “that” stairway did not lead to the garage and laughed at my earlier actions. I’m so glad that all went well, although I wasn’t looking forward to my afternoon adventures.
One home I gently unwrapped Rogue Kitty’s bag, thanked her for a job well done and placed her in my son’s room closing the door so that our dog wouldn’t create a stink.
She had a quiet day and somehow flipped her cushion so that she was underneath it. I did try to give her some water but she wanted nothing to do with me. I also knew not to take her out as Eva told me she hated her carrier and hoped that Rogue Kitty would forgive her for putting her in a pillow case to get her in it.
At 5:20 pm with a safe entry through the garage using Eva’s key I re-entered the building and brought Rogue Kitty to her loving and waiting momma. I put everything back in place from litter box to scratching post. It was a happy reunion with Eva thanking me about 17 times in the 10 minutes I was there, and even though I know Rogue Kitty would be grateful if she fully understood our adventures she wanted nothing to do with me and promptly hid behind the couch.
What would you have done? Leave your thoughts in the comments.
PS. I did have a conversation with Eva about applying to a building that accepts cats. She wasn’t aware that other buildings accepted them. She is concerned about “how” she would move, although I am not that excited about being the “one” I told her that when she gets accepted I’ll help her figure it out even if I have to rope a few neighbors into it.
This could also be known as 5 Reasons You Don’t Change. Ever wonder why you don’t change and keep repeating the same patterns again and again so that it feels like you’re feet, life and grandiose plans are stuck knee deep in mud?
Brace yourself because the answer is quite simple. The number one reason you don’t change is that you GIVE UP.
Right now you may be saying, “What?! Really? Is that it! Not me!!! “
“Instead of telling me THAT I want you to give me an answer that is much more complex and meaningful because “I” don’t give up.”
To which I’ll respond, “Really?”
After working with hundreds of people I see the same patterns show up. It goes something like this.
Step 1: You’re Complaining A Lot
In fact at this stage it probably feels great to complain and rant. It kind of blows off steam and momentarily you feel better. You probably have a person or three that have become your own personal “rant buddies” over coffee or wine.
What’s amusing about this stage is most people don’t fully recognize they are being a victim and complaining about the same things again and again.
Step 2. Consciousness Begins To Seep In
One day you’re complaining and something hits you like a big fat brick in the head. “Thunk” You are now aware that you’re not as happy or satisfied with the way things are in your own life, relationships and career.
Friends, family and co-workers say things like, “did you notice you’ve been complaining a lot?” And you now have some recognition that you’re dissatisfied with X. You can interchange the “X” with your own dissatisfaction and pain point.
This is a great stage. In order to leave dissatisfaction behind and move forward it takes consciousness. I find myself sharing with clients,complaining it a sign that you are not in alignment with what is most important to you, aka your core values.
Step 3. Ch, Ch, Changes – Yes you’re definitely going to make changes!
With your new found consciousness you reconnect to your inner spark of yesteryear. You decide that you are going to quit your job, change careers, and spend more time doing what you love. You are going to make a difference and change your world, maybe even a small piece of the bigger world too.
You’re feeling energized and excited. You tell everyone and it feels that your “happy place energy” is contagious. Woo hoo, everything is looking great. You notice you have no problem getting out of bed in the morning and look forward to your own “what’s next.”
Step 4. The Big Pain In The Ass Set Back
Just as you were stepping out in the world with your new found dreams, something happens that rains on your parade. You trip, you stumble and you fall. You scrap both your knees so to speak. Grrrrrrrr.
Step 5. You Give Up (For A While or Forever)
You’re angry perhaps angry enough to say you’re pissed off. Ouch! You notice some of these thoughts taking over.
“This is just too much”, or “I have no idea where to start”, o “I’m so overwhelmed and not sure where to focus!”, or “It’s so much easier for someone else to do this because they don’t have all the crap on their plate that I do.”
You’ve fallen victim to being a victim instead of leading your way.
You stop putting in that extra energy to keep looking for that new job, start a side business, excel in your current work, spend more time doing what you love. The result is, you feel deflated and defeated.
When you wake up in the morning things aren’t looking so shiny so you hit the snooze for the second time. For every step forward it feels like you are taking two or three backwards. Damn it, it would help if it wasn’t so gray and raining because that’s not helping your mood (disclosure this writer lives in Seattle).
How Can You Break The Giving Up Pattern?
It takes gumption to keep taking action and not give up.
It takes connection to your core values.
It takes a personal story of your vision.
It takes the kind of story that can light your pants on fire.
Most importantly it takes continued consciousness, awareness and focus to stay connected to what is most important and where you’re choosing to go.
Your Core Values
If your life depended upon it can you name your core values? Good, many can name their primary values.
Can you tell me on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being “not really” and 10 being “you live them every day” and not “you want to live them every day”? How many of these values score a 10?
What I’ve come to discover is that if you’re not a 10 you’re not fully committed. Without commitment you won’t get what you want. Now you better understand why you’ve given up in the past and experienced these Five Reasons You Don’t Change Stages again and again – you’re not a committed 10.
If you’re still reading I know I have your attention. Your task if you really do want to break this being stuck habit and giving up pattern is to download the Goal Setting Core Values Workbook now and get some clarity of which three core values really make you tick. It will help you take the first step toward creating awareness and connection to what’s most important and help you break the pattern.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, which stage most trips you up? What sets your pants on fire?
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